The NGH Report – American Idol 8’s New York City and San Juan Auditions: “Norman Gentle!”

As the show opens, you have to ask yourself, what sort of tie-in can American Idol make between New York City and Puerto Rico? Let’s see…

West Side Story references! Of course! Man, these guys are good. Honestly, I feel like some drunk producer is just throwing ‘New York City and Puerto Rico’ into the Google search engine and taking whatever he can find. What are they suggesting? Are we supposed to assume that the Sharks and the Jets are going to duke it out over turf in Hollywood week?

Also, maybe this was just me, but I feel like Puerto Rico is a waste of money. Like, it’s not even a state! Why should they spend money to go there?

Well, at least New York City makes sense. Wait a second! Did Ryan just open the stock exchange? Doesn’t he understand that our economy needs a sign of confidence these days? How can investors feel confident if people on Wall St. are spending their workday letting some overly made-up metro named Ryan Seacrest get his oily spray tanned hands all over the American public’s gavel? That’s it. I’m taking my money out of the bank and rolling it up under my mattress.

What other notable item happened in this episode? Well, Simon Cowell helped give a girl her job back. But… why? The girl was disillusioned and didn’t deserve her job. She pretty much told her boss that she was assured a spot in Hollywood so don’t bother saving my job for me. If I was that girl’s boss, I would have laughed at her and told her to get the hell off the phone.

Let’s go!

Jorge Nunez

• 20 years old
• PR
• He sings “My Way.”
• Very, very talented. One of the best I’ve seen yet.
• There was one guy waiting for him outside. Yeah, good business decision, American Idol. Puerto Rico. Hahaha.

8.5/10

Melinda Camille

• 21 years old
• CT
• She sings “Feelin’ Good.”
• Melinda is a hippy who doesn’t wear a bra and apparently enjoys dancing in the nude. I’d like her more if I weren’t so intensely bitter and dispassionate towards people who feel joy. Seriously, though, if I were more like her, these articles of mine would be even worse than they actually are…
• Another issue I have is with her voice… I wanted it to be weirder and it was just a bit too vanilla. Meh.

7/10

Jackie Tohn

• 27 years old
• CA
• She sings “I’m Yours.”
• Yes, she has a great husky voice. But it seems like it’s on the verge of falling off the notes. I mean, how fun would her voice be if it was a bit stronger?
• I do love her personality though. She’ll come across great on camera.

7.5/10

Nick Mitchell

• 27 years old
• CT
• He sings “Amazing Grace.”
• This dude is HILARIOUS. I want him in the Top 2! Seriously, I wanted to just ask him to become Ryan’s new co-host. Or my co-writer. I want him to be my BFF. This is an audition that I will never take off my TiVo.

6/10

Ashley Hollister

• 21 years old
• NJ
• One of the quick teasing auditions that only showed us about five seconds.

7.5/10

Kenny Hoffpauer

• 16 years old
• PA
• Nice enough young kid, but there was no character to his voice, so I’m sure he’ll fade into the background pretty quickly.

7/10

Kendall Beard

• 23 years old
• TX
• I’m pretty sure I went to elementary school with her. No, really. I would say I am 85% sure of it.
• The voice is fine. But, again, a pretty blonde girl who can sing? Yawn.

7/10

Monique Garcia Torres

• 16 years old
• PR
• She sings “You Can’t Hurry Love.”
• Why is she bringing a little boy with her into the audition room? Wait. Is that Elian? Should he be here? Tell that kid to stop getting on random rafts made out of coconut shells! You can’t come to America, dude! I don’t care how adorable you are. There are rules in place and I expect you to obey them. Oh… it turns out it was just her little brother. I still don’t trust him.

6.5/10

Patricia Roman

• 20 years old
• PR
• She sings “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.”

7/10

Nine people go to Hollywood from Puerto Rico and 26 from New York City!

Finally, we go to Hollywood…

See you next week!

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Joseph can be contacted at jh.banks@yahoo.com.

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