American Idol 8, January 21 Recap: Hoarse Race

Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky, is usually known for big bets, fast horses, and ridiculous hats. Not this time, however. The American Idol auditions are spending two days here. Can the home of bluegrass provide a winner on its home turf? This… is… cutting into the premiere of Lost!

The judges arrive to Kentucky Derby fanfare. Must I crack an obligatory joke comparing the judges to horses? Nah, I’d rather just jump the gun and get right on track with the contestants.

First out of the gate is 18-year-old Tiffany Shedd, a high school graduate from Cincinnati, Ohio. Her parents are very supportive of her singing. She even sings private concerts for her mom. Tiffany insists she will leave the audition with a positive outlook if the judges say no. The bleach blonde bombshell sings Mariah Carey’s “Hero,” and it’s a bomb. She tries to sing some more, but the judges won’t let her deafen us any more.

Simon makes the first horse joke on the show by comparing the performance to 22 horses and a donkey. Apparently, Tiffany is the donkey. She did seem to bray during the song. It’s a no. Tiffany’s promise to walk out positively walked out before her as she tearfully tries to prove she can sing in the hall with Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me.” Her mother likes it, but she’s alone. The Shedd family leaves with Tiffany saying the judges are just looking for nerds and freaks. And?

The next contestant’s mother is also encouraging of her daughter’s talent. That daughter is 23-year-old Joanna Pacitti from Philadelphia. Joanna’s been getting a lot of pre-show flak for her connections in the music business. Kara recognizes Joanna in the audition room, however, so at least the show acknowledges those connections. Joanna was signed to the A&M label, but nothing came out of it. (Though she released an album through Geffen in 2006.) Will Joanna have as much luck as Carly Smithson, who had a similar story?

The unemployed Joanna sings “We Belong” by Pat Benatar. She obviously has a good enough voice to advance. Whether she has the style to stand out later on is still in question. Joanna starts to cry as she gets her unanimous yes. The show plays her out with Avril Lavigne. I didn’t think she let the show use her songs. Maybe she just doesn’t want any contestants to butcher such quality songs as “Sk8er Boi.”

Churchill Downs is all about winning, execution, and a bit of luck. Can a guy named Mark Mudd have good luck here? The 25-year-old parts inspector from Coxs Creek, Kentucky, hasn’t had much in his life, getting into two car accidents and nearly dying five times. On top of that, his ancestor, Dr. Samuel Mudd, fixed the leg of John Wilkes Booth after he jumped off the balcony following the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Samuel got ten years for that. How genealogical.

Mark walks in with a holster (but no gun) and sings George Jones’ “White Lightning.” His voice cracks all over, much like lightning. Paula doesn’t think he’s bad, but this isn’t the right show for him. Simon asks what show is right – Wheel of Fortune? After some silence, Mark leaves, telling the judges to “be careful.” The judges take this as a threat. It didn’t have to be if Mark explained the quip well (like restating his accident-prone history), but he just stammers. Just don’t jump off any balconies.

Next up is Brent Keith of Blanchester, Ohio. If you’re a fan of Nashville Star, then you might recognize Brent as a finalist from the second season. The 28-year-old musician sings “Can’t Get Enough” by Bad Company. For a country contestant, he’s good with pop rock. Paula is surprised he had that in him. Simon thought the song was ridiculous, since he could see something more emotional. He believes this performance was “buskerish.” Help me, Reader’s Digest. Paula interrupts with her yes vote, and Simon asks her to calm down. Kara joins in on the mess, but after a while, she just gives up on talking. Simon says yes, and both ladies jump under the table. This is just getting weird, so Keith takes his four yeses and heads to Hollywood.

The home of Louisville Slugger starts to strike out with the contestants. Irene Angueloba’s “Over the Rainbow” doesn’t go over well. Obianuju Omwurah sounds like the goat that curses the Chicago Cubs. Wil Heuser taints the judges’ moods with his “Tainted Love.” Ryan Benningfield sings about a zebra, and he looks like one, too. Patrick Warner tries to sing and dance like Michael Jackson, but he’s bad.

Hopefully we move back into the good territory with Matt Giraud. He is a 23-year-old dueling piano player from Kalamazoo, Michigan. He never had a piano lesson in his life, but apparently he’s pretty good at tickling the ivories. Can he sing as well as he plays? Um, not really. His voice is there, but he’s way too breathy. Still, he reminds Simon of Elliott. Simon doesn’t believe Matt believes in himself, but the pianist still makes it to Hollywood with four yeses. Is it just me, or have they lowered the standards for good singers this year?

Twenty-six-year-old tutor Ross Bradley Plavsic of Crestview Hills, Kentucky, considers himself an academic. He loves to study challenging subjects such as math, physics, and Chinese characters. He just recently arranged those characters by radicals. Interesting. He didn’t think it was possible to learn how to sing, but he thought he could watch and learn from opera greats on YouTube. He’s regretting the scratchy throat that he just got, and he believes the dry air is the cause of it.

Ross sings “Cara Mia” after explaining the Chinese character thing to Paula. If I could remember any of the Chinese I took in college, I’d say “he stinks” in Chinese. He’s trying to sing analytically, and it doesn’t work at all. He gives his scratchy throat excuse. Paula offers her drink, and he drinks through the straw. Paula freaks out. Like drinking straight from the cup would be any less disgusting? Ross tries “Love Me Tender,” but it is no better. Paula gets a new drink, and Ross sings a new song out in the hall. It’s still a no.