American Idol 7, April 2: Better Move It On Home

Last night we were blessed by the presence of one Ms. Dolly Parton, and tonight we will hear a live performance from her, as well as a group I’ve never heard of called the Clark Brothers. Ryan also promises more call-ins (can we please stop with that already?) and info about Idol Gives Back. I can tell you that it’s going to be two-and-a-half freaking hours, starting at 7:30 p.m. I can’t promise I’ll still be awake at the end of that.

The Idols perform “9 to 5” for their group sing. Apparently Chikezie was slated to sing that this week, but obviously that had to be scrapped. Brooke, Kristy, Ramiele, and Michael are the first soloists, with varying degrees of success. Jason can’t dance, I’m sure you’re unsurprised to learn. The Idols swarm the judges, with David Cook singing directly to Paula while Carly practically gives Simon a lap dance. Archuleta needs to stop dressing like a history professor. Chikezie is in the audience, no doubt happy he didn’t have to participate in that.

Dolly Parton herself kicks off our recap of last night, saying she’s happy that her “children” (her songs) are being taken care of. Jason sang “Travelin’ Thru” pretty well, and David Cook rocked up “Little Sparrow.” Kristy actually did something somewhat right with “Coat of Many Colors.” Ramiele was underwhelming on “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind.” Brooke did “Jolene” and got mixed reviews from both the judges and some viewers. Syesha surprised absolutely no one by singing “I Will Always Love You.” Carly surprised me a little by doing well on “Here You Come Again.”

Archuleta is, like, the blessed one sent to save us from certain destruction, or something, and he did “Smoky Mountain Memories.” Michael finally impressed me again with “It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right,” completely earning the pimp spot. Dolly says that when you watch on TV, you can tell which ones are going to make it and which aren’t. So she picked Ramiele to go, too, huh?

All the Idols are backstage, and Michael is called out first to get his verdict. He tells Ryan that he was totally in his element last night. He’s safe. Archuleta is next, and blathers about the song being great and having a great message and blah, blah, blah. He’s safe, and I’m happy that I don’t have to put up with him for the next 50 minutes. (Dude, if you ever read this, it’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that I don’t get the hype and I wish you’d stop being such a cute little bunny. Rock it out once in a while.) Ryan fakes Carly out, but she’s safe.

Stupid call-in portion. Haley (not Scarnato, fortunately) wants to know what Syesha misses the most about her home life. She says hanging out with her friends and family, but the other Idols are her family now. Robert asks David Cook what other talent he’d like to be successful at. He wishes he were more organized, and Michael and Jason, his roommates, agree. Bill asks Randy (who’s happy to finally get a question) who he hasn’t worked with before. Randy would like to do a song with this season’s winner. Ryan asks who that would be. Randy won’t say.

Some girl who sounds like Jordin Sparks asks David Cook and Michael what song they’d like to do on tour. They joke about “Islands in the Stream.” Mary asks why Simon feels like he needs to apologize for negative comments. Simon says he likes her, then says he’ll never apologize again. Okay, the questions tonight weren’t that bad after all.

The Clark Brothers won America’s Next Great Band this summer, which explains why I’ve never heard of them. They sing “This Little Light of Mine.” They have a kind of edgy country sound and some monster guitar skills. The lead singer is a little yelly. It’s not really my thing, but they’re not bad.

In the music video, the Idols challenge some basketball players while singing/rapping “It’s Tricky.” If you thought you’d never hear the Bloodhound Gang on American Idol, you owe someone some money.

Ryan asks Carly what she thought was going to happen. She says he’s full of tricks. He notes that she was on the table in front of Simon and asks if they’ve made up after last night. Carly says he hasn’t apologizes, and apparently he never will after that phone conversation with Mary. Heh.

David Cook emerges to loud cheers from the audience. Ryan mentions the story that broke about David going to the hospital yesterday; he has high blood pressure and went as a precaution, but he’s okay. He’s also safe. Ramiele looks nervous as she comes out on stage, as she should. We’re halfway through the group and everyone has been safe so far, so this is about the time where someone has to be sent to the bottom three. Ramiele says she was nervous about walking while singing last night. Huh? She’s in the bottom three.

Kristy brings out a note that says “Kristy’s seat,” and tells Ryan that she’d rather be in the bottom three than not here at all. Ryan promises that she doesn’t know the results yet. He runs down her judges’ notes again and she asks if she has to hear Simon’s comments again. She doesn’t, but that doesn’t keep her from being back in the bottom three.

Paula thinks Ramiele and Kristy both had good nights last night. It comes down to connecting with the audience. No word on whether they did or didn’t connect. It’s Paula, you know?