The NGH Report: American Idol 7’s Top 10 Guys – “Theatre’s Good! … Is It?”

Why did Ryan look like he just got off of an IV drip? Seriously. He looked pale. Did Garrett Haley bite him and turn him into a member of the Damned? Man, Ryan meet gauntness. He looked like the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Anyway! Welcome to American Idol, where we saw the top 10 guys and Wednesday we will see the top 10 girls. But you know that because you’ve been paying attention to everything Seacrest says and have been writing it down in your handy dandy Idol notebook.

So all of the boys were announced and David Archuleta received a cheer that was substantially louder than his fellow contestants.

America loves David Archuleta… what can I say?

America loves David Archuleta, but of course America also loves Dippin’ Dots, Magic the Gathering, and fast food. So what do they know?

On with the show; here are my rankings for the evening…

10. Luke Menard – Oh, Luke. Never pick a song that Freddie Mercury sang unless you are positive you can knock it out of the park. “Killer Queen” was so overcooked. Every single movement appeared planned and thought out and there was no organic excitement in the performance. Luke let us know that he was once in a touring a capella group… dork. He also said that “there really couldn’t have been any better preparation to becoming a professional singer” than being a professional singer? Well yeah, thanks Luke. He better be praying that someone is voting for him because otherwise he is toast. NOT SAFE

9. Jason Yeager – Jason came out singing “Long Train Runnin’” and I have to say that it was much better than last week’s mediocre showing. I honestly don’t see what is keeping Jason in the competition for much longer. He doesn’t bring anything to the table and has yet to show real potential to be a spoiler for the top 12. The performance tonight was cheesy. And for the love of God, he needs to stop marching and singing at the same time. It made me dizzy. NOT SAFE

8. Robbie Carrico – Dear Robbie… shave. XOXO, Joseph. Once again Robbie showed up ready to let everybody know that was a “true rocker” and, once again, Robbie failed. He sang “Hot Blooded” and it was a very safe, very boring karaoke performance. Do you want to know how boring he really was? During the performance, the orange guitar got more screen time than he did. During the clip at the beginning, Robbie let us know that he was just being himself. “I be me!” Yikes. Someone needs to watch more Veggie Tales: Adventures with Grammar. Either way, being without a conceived identity is very dangerous in the Idol world. NOT SAFE

7. Danny Noriega – He was in a punk rock band when he was younger! Aww, loving those leopard spotted leotards, Danny. Totally punk. Is it me, or is saying the word “rebellious” with a lisp hilarious? Aww, but I do love the kid. His rendition of “Superstar” was nice enough. But it was a very safe song and I agree that he has a much better voice than people might realize. The judges tell him to “let the vibrato go.” Seriously, Danny. Calm down… step away from the vibrato. Just let that poor little vibrato go. Let it go or I will hunt you down and make you wish you never had that vibrato to begin with. This is your choice, Danny. I’m ready to sound the Amber Alert. NOT SAFE

6. Michael Johns – Bit of a tennis jock, isn’t he? Michael told us that he usually finishes first or close to first in tennis competitions. Modest, ain’t he? Sorry we all aren’t as great at tennis as you, Michael! I can’t afford a country club membership. I’m paying bills without the Bush tax cut. I get my tennis training from the highly regarded WiiSports. Michael sang “Go Your Own Way” and it was a solid vocal. He couldn’t hit that high note in the chorus; he kept sliding off of it over and over again. Never did he land that elusive note, which was a shame because the song could have been so much better. Also, a performance note: that was a song that really required a mic stand. He was bobbing and weaving on that stage. It looked like there was an earthquake in L.A. County. Still, a bit of a fan favorite, isn’t he? NEVER GOING HOME

5. Jason Castro – So, Jason is a man of few words, isn’t he? He let us know tonight that he hates interviews, taking pictures, and… umm… talking. So, if life were a musical, Jason would be right at home. I wouldn’t, though. I’d probably kill myself. I’m awful in a kick line – hairy legs you know? Jason, clearly annoyed that Fidel picked Raul over him, sang a funky version of “I Just Want To Be Your Everything.” Another solid performance from Jason, though not as energized as last week. The judges let us know that we shouldn’t care about the guitar because this is a singing competition… but yet you were the ones who said they could play instruments this year. This instrumental catch-22 confuses me. With not so nice comments, Jason might be in a bit of trouble. NOT SAFE

4. David Cook – David is a word nerd. This is awful, Idol. I see what you are trying to do. So, not only is David a more “authentic” rocker than Robbie Carrico, but now he has better vocabulary and grasp of the English language too? Apparently, David watched his Veggie Tales… a lot. He sang “All Right Now” and it was very good! A lot of energy really propelled him to a solid showing tonight. I loved the part where he tried to get the audience to join along in singing the chorus of this classic ‘70s rock number. The only problem? They were all twelve-year-old girls… who had no idea what he was singing. Unfortunately, David needs to learn to take criticism better or he will only go so far. NEVER GOING HOME

3. Chikezie – In the intro clip for Chikezie let us know that his name is Nigerian and the original pronunciation is much more complicated than anything I’ve ever heard in my life. But the song? It was miles better than last week. Thank you for listening to my advice. Chikezie sang “I Believe to My Soul” and it went over very well. This is what he needed to stay in this competition another week. NEVER GOING HOME

2. David Hernandez – You were in gymnastics? Not surprised. David took time in his clip to let us know about his career as a child gymnast. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of his vote totals plummeting. Lucky for him the performance was amazing. David sang “Papa Was A Rolling Stone” and it was a very impressive showing of strength. Don’t count this guy out. He’s a bit of a dark horse. The voice was almost technically perfect and the last note, which came out in a shockwave at the end, knocked me off my couch. Bravo. NEVER GOING HOME

1. David Archuleta – David talked about how he once sang for Kelly Clarkson… wouldn’t it be weird if the first American Idol was looking at the seventh American Idol over six years ago? It gives me the chills. So David took a shot at “Imagine” and it was a “wow” moment of this season. I don’t care about all these people crying that he was on Star Search; with a voice like that, he deserves to be on that stage. End of the argument. Brilliant. But… then came the scariest line ever uttered by an over the hill pop star. “I want to squeeze your head off and dangle you from my rear view mirror!” … Umm? Seriously?! People get arrested for saying things like that. Oh, here’s a fun fact: David is not eighteen years old. So all of those young girls in the audience? Fair game. Yahtzee! NEVER GOING HOME

Who should go home?

Luke Menard and Jason Yeager

Who will go home?

Luke Menard and Jason Yeager

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these other recent articles on Foxes On Idol:

Joseph can be contacted at jh.banks@yahoo.com.

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