The Idol Analyst: SCANDAL!

Just when you thought it was safe to sit back and enjoy American Idol 6 along comes another huge scandal. Did anyone really get caught by surprise this? They are as much a tradition on American Idol as Simon’s snarky comments and Randy’s mangled hip hop lingo. (For the record, Randy, “good lookin’ out” is what you say when someone does something to protect your back, not when someone tanks an audition.) I won’t go into a detailed history, but I will briefly mention a few things like Frenchie Davis – more about her shortly – allegations of racism, claims of clandestine sexual encounters with judges, vote fixing, and all other manner of noise. Some of it was true, some of it was as real as a Weekly World News headline.

So what is it this time? Antonella Barba has been photographed in compromising poses. She did something that is positively tame by modern standards – showing about as much skin as the average episode of Vegas or the now-defunct O.C. Why is it when Heather Graham is covered in rose petals it’s Oscar-worthy art, but when an Idol contestant does it, the cries of “off with her head” can be heard from coast to coast?

A very pregnant Demi Moore revealed more of herself in Vanity Fair a few years ago and was praised for both her beauty and her bravery. Janet Jackson appeared topless on the cover of Rolling Stone, her modesty just barely protected by the covering hands of her then-lover.

But something has changed in America. Britney Spears melts down and gets a buzz cut in a desperate attempt to get people to stop staring at her and it makes front pages in countless newspapers, magazines, and websites. She checks into a rehab center to deal with her addictions – whatever they may be – and a member of the paparazzi snaps a photo of her smoking a cigarette and it’s again front page news. Lord, she fired up a Marlboro Light! Set the stocks up in the City Square! What has happened in America? Oh yeah, back to Janet Jackson again and that fateful half-time exposure. Get over it y’all. It was a boob. It wasn’t even that impressive a boob. In fact, we elect bigger boobs than that to public office on a regular basis! So why is Antonella’s comparatively demure activity causing such a stir?

Oh yeah. I forgot about those other photos. As always let’s keep it real here. There are two – and only two – possibilities. It’s either her in the photos… or it’s not. Even I can count to two, so let’s look at them both.

Hmm… someone doctored up a photo, or found some porn of someone who looks like her and is trying to publicly destroy her. Who cares about motive. Now we have people coming out of the woodwork with expert analysis. “She never had her nails done like that!” “Those aren’t her ears!” “Wait, the beauty marks are in the right place, so it must be her!” I’ve even read commentaries on her apparent technique.

The last time I checked, a person innocent of something was just that. Innocent. I’ve never heard a judge say, “well we know darned well that she didn’t do it, but what the heck let’s just throw her in jail anyway. It’ll be fun!” Should Antonella be bounced from American Idol for a crime she didn’t commit? Don’t worry, I’m gonna give you the answer. NO!

Are the pictures that are definitely of her enough to get her bounced? My personal opinion is also no. I know you had that answer pegged before you read it. As I stated already, she did nothing in those photos that hasn’t been done a bajillion times by other already famous people. Shoot even Practically Perfect Mary Poppins herself, Julie Andrews, tore open her shirt and bared her breasts onscreen in the movie S.O.B.

But then again, there is that other possibility…

She did it! Look everyone! It’s a 20-year-old woman who has had sex! Holy cow! You don’t see one of those every day! Lord knows how rare that is! I mean, she actually performed a sexual act on her boyfriend! I bet they even had some sort of other sexual congress besides what is now called a “Lewinski.”

Again, keeping it real, what is her crime? Did she make a porn movie? Did she get paid for it like a common hooker? No, she and her boyfriend had sex. And in this My Space You Tube Cell Phone Camera World that we now live in, a few snapshots got taken. I’ll make my confession right now. I had sex before I was 20. I wasn’t married to any of them at the time. It was wrong. It felt good. But I read in a book somewhere that “he who is without sin” should cast the first stone. So unless you’ve never had sex outside of marriage, or never tried to have sex out of marriage, or never did anything embarrassing, I don’t think you really have justification to sit in judgment.

The difference between the dirty little things everyone else on this planet has done and what Antonella did is that when the rest of us did our thing there wasn’t a camera in the room – or we haven’t become famous enough for the pictures to get posted on the web. She certainly isn’t making a buck off of it. You can’t go to her website and stream the video for $20 a viewing. For Pete’s Sake (or whatever her boyfriend’s name was) let her be. She has bigger problems. Like her voice for example.