We’ll Be the Judge of That! – But Can They Sing?, Finale

By now you’ve read Sting7’s recap of the But Can They Sing? finale at RealityNewsOnline. But what did our Foxes On Idol judges (David Bloomberg, Sandy McFarland, and Tyler Sandersfeld) think of the final performances, Bai’s encore, and the full group number? Plus, of course, they have opinions on the winner:

Group Number, “Bohemian Rhapsody”

David: My first question is this: Why did Michael Copon kill a man by putting a gun against his head? Why not just have the group sing to him? Oh, wait, that could be cruel and unusual punishment. “Very very frightening,” indeed. Mama mia, let them go! Please! OK, now that I’ve used up all my clever lines, let me just say that of the three finalists, Morgan did the best with this – and Carmine did the worst. Indeed, Carmine didn’t even bother to pretend he was singing, which is good because, well, he can’t.

Tyler: First up was Michael, and despite a fallout when it came to the "oohs," he was once again more than tolerable. Morgan again showed that she's only palatable on certain songs, and this isn't one of them. Finally, what can be said about Carmine that's not synonymous with "tone-deaf insult to professional vocalists everywhere"? Yeah, I can't think of anything, either. As for the also-rans: Bai was cute, Antonio was lame, Larry was shouty, Myrka was monotone, Kim was wretched, and Joe was... curiously absent. I guess that was best for everyone.

Sandy: Michael Copon started off with a few jittery notes, but as he and Morgan are the only two who can ever find the right key, he was the only choice. All in all, it was a fun number, and I was pleased that the screaming in the background masked a lot of the singing. Larry Holmes seemed to get into his “mama mias” a bit vigorously, which gave me a smile. It’s too bad the chorus of old contestants didn’t get drownd out a bit more. Oh, and Ahmet did well banging the gong. Can I leave now?

Morgan Fairchild, “Heartbreaker”

David: This may have been Morgan’s best performances – in part because it required more growling of the words and less actual singing. But she also looked much more comfortable on-stage and the parts she did sing weren’t horrible. At least she wasn’t an earbreaker.

Tyler: This wasn't a lounge act song, which is what she's best at. Plus, there's no way she can match the opera-trained Pat Benatar. Heck, she couldn't hold a candle to Nikki McKibbin. But we all know better than to expect a Radio Flyer to win the Daytona 500. So in context with the show, I liked it. She had some good notes (okay, maybe just one), and I just can't ignore her attractiveness anymore, especially at 55. I'd go all Ashton Kutcher on her any day!

Sandy: Wow, Morgan! Her first few notes started off a little weak, and I was a tad worried. But damn, she got it together and pulled it off. This was truly her finest performance to date, and for the first time, she seemed to be comfortable on stage. I have to admit I didn’t think she could do it. It’s too bad the voting is over and won’t include this performance.

Michael Copon, “Blowin’ Me Up (With Your Love)”

David: Oy, oy, oy. That was not one of Michael’s better performances. I don’t know what keys he was trying to hit, but he missed. He finally did a decent job in the very last line, but by then the damage was done. However, what ANT is smoking, such that he thinks Michael can sing, I want some.

Tyler: He started off rougher than my skin, but he slowly eased his way into the song. I can't be sure if he was true to the notes of the original, since I've never heard this song before. I'll say this much, though – the bridge was excellent! I LOVED the falsetto note! No doubt about it, he has grown the most throughout the competition. He's still a mile away from Goodville, but if he keeps training, he may just get there.

Sandy: For the most part, Michael did a pretty good job. He strained trying to reach some higher notes but that aside, I liked this performance much better than last week’s. He hit a high note that was actually right on. Wow. He moved well across the stage, stayed with the beat, and for a moment I almost tapped my foot. I’d almost say “great job” but I really don’t remember what great is any more.

Carmine Gotti Agnello, “Gold Digger”

David: I never thought I’d say this, but Carmine actually didn’t do too bad. His rapping has definitely progressed – no longer sounds like he’s whining his way through it. I’d say that was his best performance.

Tyler: I HATE this song! No amount of Ray Charles and Jamie Foxx can make me appreciate this drivel. Combine that with my strong displeasure with Carmine Gotti Agnello, and you have one of the single worst pieces of "music" I have ever heard! I'm just glad he still didn't actually sing. My soul is so broken, the best jigsaw puzzle solver in the world couldn't fix it. Too bad he's going to win...

Sandy: It was nice that they let us hear him sing during his previous practices and numbers, because it confirmed how lousy he really is. His singing is the only reason I can tolerate his rapping. Maybe it’s a set-up! They let you hear him sing, so his rapping is pure relief. I just don’t know. I think this competition has given me brain damage. Augh, I guess he did okay.

Bai Ling, “I Touch Myself”

David: In that outfit and with those moves, who cares how she sang?! Wait – did I type that out loud? Anyway, what more can we say about Bai that hasn’t been said? Hopefully, that is the last time anybody will hear her sing.

Tyler: Me too, Bai. Me too.

Sandy: I could have lived happily without seeing or hearing Bai Ling’s rendition of “I Touch Myself.” I stopped being amused by her when she stopped surprising me. Her performances are like the barely-there memory of a bad nightmare. You know it occurred, but you just don’t want to remember it. I did miss her stool.

Final Thoughts

David: Whoa. Michael won? There is hope for humanity after all. It’s particularly ironic given that his performance was the worst of the night and not one of his best overall. And Carmine finally figured out how to rap, just in time to lose. Go figure. I’m just happy the winner was one of the better singers out of the group, so it wasn’t purely a popularity contest or, worse, a trainwreck competition.

Tyler: Yes yes yes yes YES! I am SO glad that Michael Copon won! Well, actually I'm more glad that Carmine didn't. Like I said before, he has improved the most, and has actually had some good moments. The Shaken Baby Syndrome Foundation should be very happy. I liked Morgan and I loved Bai (maybe a little too much), and I'm glad they made it as far as they did. As for the show... THANK GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER!

Sandy: Morgan got robbed. She deserved first place, I figured she’d get second, but third? This just sucks! Now I don’t give a crap who wins. Wait! Michael Copon won? Whodathunk it? Well pick me off of the floor! I almost feel sorry for Carmine. I said ALMOST. Congratulations Michael! There is justice! Are we done? Is this over? I need to take an aspirin. Bye, David! Bye, Tyler! It’s been real. I’m outta here.

Conclusions

So there we have it. All the Foxes On Idol judges are agreed on several things:

1. They believe Morgan did well in her final performance and should have gotten better than third place.
2. They are thankful that Carmine didn’t win.
3. They are absolutely ecstatic that this show is over and will soon be rushing to the pharmacy to get ear drops to fix the damage they have sustained.

With that, we’re outta here!

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