We’ll Be the Judge of That! – But Can They Sing?, Episode 4

The Foxes On Idol judging panel is back again this week to once again provide actual opinions about But Can They Sing?, as opposed to what you’ll hear from the people commenting on the show who are mostly just trying to be nice. This week, our judges are again David Bloomberg, Sandy McFarland, and Tyler Sandersfeld. We begin with the group number and move on to the individual performances:

Group Song, “Super Freak”

David: I don’t know where to begin. As Marillion sang a couple decades ago, “all the best freaks are here.” (Let’s see how many of you get that musical reference!) I suppose we did find out that Antonio and Carmine dance as well as they sing – no, that’s not a compliment. Michael and Morgan were the only ones who didn’t completely embarrass themselves. Overall, I’ve got to agree with ANT: “What the f*** was that?!”

Sandy: Well, the guys looked nice and Bai was in her element with this song. I have to admit, Morgan seemed a bit out of place, though for the most part she managed to sing the notes. Antonio was lucky, he didn’t have to sing much, or maybe he forgot to. It was kind of hard to tell. Michael Copon seemed to be off key with every note that came out of his mouth. The only one worse than he was crowd favorite, Carmine. Carmine made my eardrums fall out my head, so it took me a moment to find ‘em. And like David said, Carmine not only proved he can’t sing, he also slaughtered dance! We got two great awfuls for the price of one.

Tyler: Is it wrong for me to say that was enjoyable? For a split second, Carmine and Antonio sounded talented. Then Antonio missed his cue. Bai was Bai. If you're not expecting the second coming of Aretha, that's good. Michael was definitely the worst sounding of all five, which is a tough feat. The worst part of the whole number? Morgan's wig. It looked like she scalped Tina Turner and soaked the hair in bleach. Yikes!

Michael Copon, “This Is How We Do It”

David: Wow. This may very well be the best performance we’ve heard in this entire competition to date! The others need to pay attention – this truly is how you do it. Sure, it wasn’t the most difficult song, vocally, but I don’t care – he did a good job with it and didn’t make my ears bleed!

Sandy: Hmm, he’s in second place, eh? I was really impressed right off the bat. Then I realized it wasn’t him singing. Seriously, I do think he did much better with this song. He started off strong and faltered a bit throughout, but I don’t think I even visibly cringed. For the most part he stayed on key, in part because with this song, there aren’t many of them. He worked the crowd, seemed to have fun, and had a few good moves. I actually think he did a good job.

Tyler: That was much better than last week! Wait, let me rephrase that: that was much less horrible than last week. Michael actually seemed to fit into the song. He's still not good by normal singing standards, but with this show's standards below sea level, it helps that he didn't sound like a beached whale. The dancing at the end wasn't too bad, either. The best I can do is seven-footer songs on Dance Dance Revolution.

Morgan Fairchild, “Believe”

David: Hooray, Morgan made it! I was afraid that she was too good last week to continue. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have the same “problem” this week – it’s pretty bad. First, I could barely hear her over the band. Second, what I could hear sounded a bit like a sick goat. She’s certainly no Bai Ling, but she’s no Cher either.

Sandy: Morgan seemed a bit nervous and off kilter to me this week. Maybe Bai’s little stint with her lighter put her on edge. She wasn’t projecting her voice, which, as David indicated, seemed to keep fading out. She said the song was in her key, but to my already damaged ears, I thought she started out to low. When the back-up singers finally joined her, she picked it up a bit, but I really don’t think this was her best performance.

Tyler: While Michael improved greatly, Morgan was a lot weaker this week. I believe it was "Believe." It's obvious now that Morgan is "best" when she's singing snarky lounge songs like "These Boots" and "You're So Vain." When it comes to disco diva songs like "Believe" and "I Will Survive," she falls flatter than Antonio Sabato, Jr. And no, I didn't enjoy "Golden Morgan," either.