We’ll Be the Judge of That! – But Can They Sing?, November 13

This week, “Guido” and his baseball bat convinced two other judges to join David in the weekly torture we know as But Can They Sing? The producers decided to play along and they had the “singers” join each other in special duets as well. You’ve already read Sting7’s full recap at RealityNewsOnline, so now it’s time to see what the David Bloomberg, Sandy McFarland, and Tyler Sandersfeld think:

Carmine Gotti Agnello & Bai Ling, “Summer Nights”

David: OK, this settles it – Superstar USA did not find the country’s worst singers. This show did. On the bright side, every person who has ever seen a high school performance of Grease can watch this and think, “Hey, those high schoolers were pretty good in comparison.” Then again, cats in heat sound pretty good in comparison to these two. It may have been the worst performance to ever air on television. And I only wish I were exaggerating.

Sandy: Which of the two was more off key? Which of the two was less than amusing? It’s a toss up for the off key question, and Carmine hasn’t amused me yet. They were equal eardrum splitters, but Bai Ling has yet to let me down in the amusement category. I’m sorry, but in my world she is the star of this show because as awful as she is, she doesn’t know it! Why didn’t Carmine sing the end of the song with her? I was waiting for that high note! Good for Bai, she carried this duet, and it wasn’t about her singing. How can you not love her? Even ANT couldn’t NOT smile.

Tyler: Ahmet's line about China and Italy was fitting for these two, since they were all over the place. Sometimes too high, often too low, and always too bad. The poodle on Bai Ling's dress was howling something nasty, too. Oh, wait, that WAS Bai! For a song that's supposed to be hot, dramatic, and a bit funny, Carmine and Bai's rendition was cold, erratic, and bit hard.

Larry Holmes & Michael Copon, “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”

David: Well, in comparison to the first duet, these guys were awesome. But in comparison to reality, neither of them was anywhere near on key. Any key. On the planet. At least Larry remembered most of the words, but that’s about the best thing I can say about it. On the plus side, it seems ANT truly is being allowed to speak this week, as he made a comment about his ears being broken. Even Ahmet Zappa made a comment about that song being on the really bad music chart. It seems producers may have finally realized that it’s much better to make fun of the celebs than give them meaningless platitudes.

Sandy: Larry Holmes and Michael Copon… Thank God Mikey has the gals lovin’ his butt, because I actually thought he was worse than Larry, and that alone is an accomplishment in a strange sort of way. Michael did pretty much carry this, meaning he sang more words, and I do give him an ‘A’ for effort. They both seemed to have fun. ANT’s ears were broken, as was MY heart. I always loved this song and after this massacre, I hope to never hear it again.

Tyler: ANT took the words out of my mind when he said "Don't Go Breaking My Ears." Michael started out somewhat in key, while Larry started out a few beats late. As David said, at least he didn't forget entire verses like the last two times. On the other hand, I sort of wish he had forgotten them. Their harmonies were pretty much nonexistent, as is my praise for the duet. I feel sorry for Elton John.

Morgan Fairchild & Antonio Sabato, Jr., “I’ve Had the Time of My Life”

David: Wow, Antonio doesn’t sound horrible immediately. I think it’s because he’s not really singing, but talking. Of course, that changes when he does try – he fails. What’s worse is he’s failing right in Morgan’s ear, and I do believe the look on her face is one of horrific pain masked by a fake smile. I actually feel sorry for her. I feel more sorry for us, but still.

Sandy: Antonio started off flat, but I actually noticed that Morgan found some melodic huskiness to her voice. Oops, it must have been a mistake, as it never returned. After that, this duet only served to slaughter another great song. Antonio couldn’t seem to decide whether to sing in his upper ranges or lower. Thankfully, Morgan faded out a lot. David, why are we doing this?

Tyler: I remember Mario and Jamie singing this song together on The WB's Superstar USA, and how horrible they were. On the flip side, Morgan and Antonio actually sounded pretty good together! Apart, their vocal handicaps were much more evident, but the harmonies were, well, harmonious! They were by far the best duet of the night. Which is like saying getting punched in the arm is better than the head or the crotch.

Carmine Gotti Agnello, “You Remind Me”

David: Uh oh, Carmine actually has to sing on a singing show. Imagine that. Well, that’s the idea, anyway. When Carmine began, he encouraged the audience to make noise and sing along. With most singing shows, I get upset at such antics, but in this case I’m in favor of anything that would drown out Carmine’s voice. So, please, audience: clap, sing, scream – do anything to put an end to the misery! Wow. That was bad.

Sandy: Was Carmine on key for even one note in this song? I would have run from the room but I couldn’t! I had to stay to see if it got worse, and it did. His last note made my ears close in a clenched butt-style. It was more than awful… it was excruciating. What’s worse, he thinks he’s good!

Tyler: I can actually see why he was in first place from last week. He's got charm, good looks, and can rap well enough to be considered one of the best of the competition. But when it comes to actually singing, Carmine reminds me of a coyote with gas and a heartburn! Saying he was almost on key would be like saying rocks are almost edible. He'll most likely survive another week, though. Rats!