Rock Star: INXS – Why J.D. Will Win

He’s the most controversial contestant on a show whose mere existence is controversial. He’s loved by millions and hated by a few RealityNewsOnline & Foxes On Idol staffers. Inspired by my esteemed editor’s assertions that he won’t win, I’m here to explain why he will. (Hopefully, my esteemed editor will not blackball me after he reads this article!)

Each contestant is listed here according to my prediction for their finish.

5. Ty

Strengths – Ty is easily one of the most dynamic people on the show. He adds a soulful element that INXS strove for in their later, less popular work.

Weaknesses – Ty seems to be heavy on glitz and flash, but light on having that touch of anguish needed in a rock band; even their band, INXS. (He sings in Vegas? You don’t say.) When Ty is on stage everything else fades into oblivion. This may not work well in a six-person band. Plus, he rearranges songs just to benefit his own personal style. (Actually, I don’t really view that as a weakness. That’s just a shot across the bow of the J.D. haters.)

Why J.D. will defeat him – For one, J.D. is a lot less cheesy (except when he breaks down in tears at the sight of his sister). Secondly, J.D. is not going to help out his competitors by writing songs for them. Finally, Ty has stuck his tongue out so often lately, it’s as if he thinks he’s Gene Simmons French kissing a whole sorority. Wholly disturbing.

4. Jordis

Strengths – Jordis can sell a song with genuine emotion and an incredible voice when she really “feels” the song.

Weaknesses – She occasionally misinterprets a song with horrendous consequences. Her peppy version of “Layla” and critique of J.D.’s lyrics due to their narrative structure give the impression that she’s a talented vocalist, but not much more.

Why J.D. will defeat her – Although his performances have been just as inconsistent as hers, he seems to have superior songwriting skills (if we’re to believe Dave Navarro) and possesses a broader skill set. I can see INXS being interested in J.D.’s songs before they would be interested in whatever Jordis would write.

3. Suzie

Strengths – Suzie is replacing Marty as my new sleeper pick. There’s something about her voice that INXS loves. She also sings INXS songs very well, as we’ve seen. Her voice is a solid female rocker voice. (I can’t believe I just said “rocker”! Doesn’t everyone agree that this show has ruined that word forever?) Vocally, she seems in step with a Pat Benatar or Chrissie Hynde type. This must be what saves her.

Weaknesses – She cries waaayyyyyy too much.

Why J.D. will defeat her – J.D. may be whiny and immature at times, but to paraphrase, there’s no crying in rock. When she’s not crying, she’s smiling. What’s that about?

2. Mig

Strengths – In twelve hours, Mig can write a song that also doubles as a mountain of clichés. (You can climb this mountain to get to the “castles in the sky.” And while we’re on this topic, allow me to quote J.D.: You’d think an original song would be “a little more inspiring than being in this f***ing house.”) Oops, this is his “strengths” section. Okay… he’s Australian. Duh.

Weaknesses – Outside of making Dave Navarro cry with a Peter Frampton song, what has he done that is really interesting?

Why J.D. will defeat him – Ignoring how vanilla he has been, some think Mig’s nationality will pull him through. Although it’s a large reason why I place him second, I have the opposite opinion. I think “Canadian” is the optimum nationality. If INXS chooses J.D., they can have a link to North America while being able to tell their Australian fans that they didn’t commit the unpardonable sin of replacing Michael Hutchence with an American.

*Wildcard: Marty

After Marty’s epic rendition of “Don’t Change,” it’s not exactly clear where he will fall. I’m guessing he‘ll place anywhere between second and fourth)

Strengths – Can take a bad song (i.e. the Creed and Britney Spears selections) and make them respectable if not outstanding. His take on “…Baby One More Time” was even superior to the Fountains of Wayne version.

Weaknesses –When he does move about the stage, he does so as stiffly as if he was a scarecrow with plaster casts on each limb. Also, his facial contortions sometimes imply he is having a brain aneurysm while performing.

Why J.D. will defeat him – Marty’s comfort zone would be described as “dark and menacing,” which, until “Don’t Change,” would have appeared not to translate well to INXS dance music. (Who knew he would rock the hell out of “Don’t Change”?) Also, Marty founded a band that has opened for Cake (cool!) and Nickelback (ick!). Furthermore, one of his band’s songs has been chosen to be the theme to ESPN’s World Shidokan Championships. So ultimately, you have to question whether he would permanently stay with INXS. I’m guessing he’d leave after he gets all that fame for the World Shidokan Championship theme song.

J.D.

Do I think J.D. is the most talented of all the remaining contestants? Maybe not. They’re all pretty fantastic and their singing is the best thing about the show. Moreover, if I paid to see any of the contestants perform live, it would most likely be Marty. But, like any job interview, this is about who is the best fit for the organization. J.D. exudes the perfect persona for INXS. Like Michael Hutchence, he excites many women and is masculine enough to appeal to some men. The best thing is that he does it without trying to be Michael Hutchence. Finally, he has a powerful voice that he can use to the benefit of the INXS songs he’s going to rearrange for the current pop/rock audience. I’d pay to see that!

Jeff Friend is best known as writer and co-creator of the “Which Circle?” comic strip featured in The Wittenburg Door Magazine. He currently lives in seclusion with his wife and sons in Seattle. E-mail him at fussellian@gmail.com.

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