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American Idol 9, Finale Recap: Cowell Out!by Tyler Sandersfeld -- 05/27/2010
View Printable version of this article In the final pre-Hollywood audition episode, we saw a segment where two musicians had to put down their guitars and sing a capella. Those two were Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox. Both came to the packed Chicago auditions and became two of just thirteen from the city to make Hollywood. Now, one of the two will win the grand title. This... is American Idol! Less than 2% of the votes separated the final two leading into Tuesday's performance episode. Need a reminder of the final performances? There's either Jenn's recap or this quickie: the first round saw Lee reprise "The Boxer" and Crystal encore "Me & Bobby McGee"; round two was Simon Fuller's picks, "Everybody Hurts" for Lee and "Black Velvet" for Crystal; finally, the winner's singles turned out to be covers of "Beautiful Day" and "Up to the Mountain." 
We get quick glimpses of the finalists' parties in Toledo, Ohio, for Crystal and Mt. Prospect, Illinois, for Lee. We'll see more of them later. But first, the top 12, with help from Orianthi, sing "School's Out." So not even Alice Cooper is sacred anymore? If only Alice himself were here. Oh, wait, there he is. With a bunch of mascara-heavy junior choir singers. And we still have two hours to go. Next up is the reigning American Idol champion, Kris Allen. Who? He sings "The Truth," featuring chat from Ryan whose mic is still on. For what it's worth, this song is a lot better than "Live Like You're Dying." And Kris performs the heck out of it. I guess he was a good choice for winner after all. As we all know, this is Simon's last episode. Remember Tamika? The Statue of Liberty guy? Ellen says she did Idol because of Simon. Does that means she's leaving, too? And there's William Hung! Kara claims that Simon has a great poker face, so cue times where he would be laughing uncontrollably. After it all, the rest of the cast mourns... er, celebrates the departure of Simon. And now, Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly sing "How Deep is Your Love?" I wish Siobhan made it far. Joining them are the two surviving Bee Gees, Barry and Robin. It's a sweet performance, but they completely missed the opportunity to have Siobhan sing that super note. 
Next up is Michael Lynche singing "Taking It to the Streets," and he does a good job with it. You know who could do it even better, though? Michael McDonald, and here he is. The two just rip the song up together. Yes, I'm surprised how good this was, too. Next up, we have Simon's greatest insults, as performed by Dane Cook. These insults include "cat being thrown off a skyscraper," "if you win, we will have failed," "the Hulk's wife," "do you have a lawyer," and "background singer for a background singer." He also tells a bunch of really unfunny jokes. This man is a comedian, correct? At the end are some of the more memorable auditionees from the past, including Ian Benardo, Renaldo Lapuz, Normund Gentle, Mary Roach, and the Brittenum twins. Ian talks about how he's replacing Simon, but he's Kanye'd out by Tatiana del Toro before the cameras zoom out to the audience and we quickly cut to commercial. Can I crawl under a rock and die, now? Lacey Brown sings "Beautiful" way out of tune. Didi Benami isn't much better. Katie Stevens actually isn't too bad, but it takes Siobhan and Crystal to get the performance really rolling. They carry on into "Fighter," which is the first time Paige Miles gets a solo. She should have stuck with rocker songs. Wait, where's Christina Aguilera? Oh, there she is. For two notes. Not to worry, as she goes it alone for "You Lost Me," which is the only way Christina should be singing. Say what you will about the late '90s/early '00s pop starlet scene, but Christina still has an incredible voice and performance style. Ricky Gervais says goodbye to Simon, hoping he can fall back on his lap dancing career. He also says Simon throws away money. Speaking of refuse, that was a waste of time. Now, here's Lee singing "I Can't Go for That," soon to be joined by Andrew Garcia and the rest of the male finalists. Casey then kicks off "Maneater," followed by Tim who actually does pretty serviceably. Michael and Aaron sing next. My mother is a huge Hall & Oates fan, and I bet she isn't too happy with these songs not being done by the originals. No worries, as here come Daryl and John for "You Make My Dreams Come True." I would like to see a Hall & Oates theme week, assuming the contestants do well with it. Honestly, I just want to hear someone nail "Out of Touch." Love that song. Janell Wheeler, the first woman eliminated this season, gets lost in the Crystal crowd in Toledo. In the audience is Crystal's father. He feels good, but not as good as his daughter. Crystal then sings "Ironic," ironically the least ironic song ever. Alanis Morissette would be another theme I'm too afraid would be butchered, so let's just hear Alanis herself sing "You Oughta Know" with Crystal. Alanis is awesome. Crystal is awesome. This duet is... disappointing. Probably because they G-rate the song. [Editor’s Note: For example, the line, “Would she go down on you in a theater?” is changed to “Would she go out with you to a theater?” when Crystal sings it. Mind you, this makes no sense since they still left in the line, “Is she perverted like me?” immediately before that.] Five years ago, this young woman won the whole shebang. While I thought she was the most overrated winner, she has slowly gained my affection with her successful career. With "Undo It," here's Carrie Underwood. My biggest gripe with Carrie wasn't her voice, but her nonexistent performance ability. So much for nonexistent. This was probably the best performance of the season by anyone. Carrie co-wrote this song (cool) with Kara DioGuardi (ew). Remember Kris Allen? Remember those custom graphics for the Ford Fiestas? Guess who presents Lee and Crystal with said custom Fiestas? To celebrate, Crystal and Lee sing "My Wish" for one last Ford video. Yay, they're over! 1 2 Next-->View Printable version of this article
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