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American Idol 9, February 3 Recap: The Staple Singersby Tyler Sandersfeld -- 02/04/2010
View Printable version of this article Seven cities. Eight audition episodes. How does that work? Why, you do a "Best of the Rest" episode! This is the show that knows how to waste time unlike any other. This... is American Idol! This season's "Best of the Rest" theme appears to be what to expect at every audition stop. Therefore, my recap will have the same theme. I call it "Audition Staples." Like lettuce on a salad bar, the following dozen-plus sights shouldn't be a surprise to any Idol fan. Let's get to it. Audition Staple #1: The Breakout "Bad" Audition. We start with what was the most popular audition of the season so far – "General" Larry Platt's "Pants on the Ground." Ever since Simon worried that it could be a hit, it's been covered by bluegrass band, acoustic singers, and college friends. It has even shown up in political debates. Not bad for a possibly plagiarized rap from a civil rights activist. Audition Staple #2: Difficult Song Choices. Many contestants have problems picking the right song, and I doubt "Pants on the Ground" is ever the right choice. Last year, Jessica Furney of Wamego, Kansas, chose a Janis Joplin song and still made it to Hollywood. This year, she chose "Footprints in the Sand," co-written by Simon Cowell himself. The 20-year-old caregiver might still need help choosing good songs, but she can still sing. Randy thinks Jessica improved, so he says yes. The others agree. 
Audition Staple #3: Attention Seekers. This staple comes in many forms – costumes, physical tricks, bikinis, etc. For theater student Amanda Shectman, it's all about acting. She pulls off a squirrelly Britney in the holding room, and she can also talk with her mouth closed. The 19-year-old from Roslyn, New York, sings "Good Morning Heartache" in her true, generically good voice. Victoria wants Amanda to work on her connection, and Kara agrees. Amanda knows it's hard to interact fully with her theatrical background. Simon says Amanda is such an actress. Despite the connection issues, Victoria and Kara vote yes. Simon goes melodramatic for a good minute before sending the actress to Hollywood. Cue cheesy Oscar music and an "acceptance speech." Audition Staple #4: Instrument Players Who Can't Use Their Instruments Right Now. Instruments are not allowed to be played at the auditions. Twenty-three-year-olds Lee Dewyze and Crystal Bowersox both brought their guitars into the room like a crutch. Both of them proved to not need the guitars, as the rock stars-to-be tackle "Ain't No Sunshine" and "Piece of My Heart" admirably. Maybe they'll use those guitars in Hollywood. Audition Staple #5: Fakeouts. Chris Daughtry's was one of the most famous, when he walked out with his ticket hidden in his hat. This year, we saw a ticket tucked in a belt, Rose Flack pull it out of her top, and Ryan show off the hidden ticket. Even Simon got in the act, leaving the room telling of a young man's failure, which wasn't true. Audition Staple #6: Repeat Auditions. Like Rose and Jessica, some hopefuls cut in the past get another go. For the judges, some are easier to remember than others. It doesn't help that some don't even look the same, like a newly tan-free version of previously-over-bronzed Crystal from a few years ago. Lacey Brown of Amarillo, Texas, came last year and made the top 50, but got cut in favor of Megan "Caw Caw" Joy. Vowing not to take "no" for an answer, the 23-year-old church event director sings "Over the Rainbow," and has to be returning to Hollywood, right? Right! Kristin Chenoweth and the three regulars give Lacey a second shot. Will she enter the semifinals this time? 
Audition Staple #6.5: Repeat Auditions That Never Stood A Chance Anyway. Student and professional model Stephanie Fisher is coming for her seventh attempt, and is extra excited to meet her idol, Victoria Beckham. The Jamestown, New York, 23-year-old has a crush on Simon, too. Her voice sounds squeezed all throughout "Fever." Simon lets her know how bad she was. Stephanie claims to be too star-struck by Victoria. Victoria turns around for a second song, and Stephanie is even worse. Victoria and Kara give Stephanie supportive hugs before the official no votes come out. See you next failure, Stephanie. Audition Staple #7: Tons of Impressive 16-Year-Olds. Namely, Rachel Hubbard, Thaddeus Johnson (who looks a lot older than 16), and Genesis Moore make their high schools in Texas, Oklahoma, and Georgia proud. Audition Staple #8: Athletic Hopefuls. Used to competitions, these football players, martial artists, and other athletes come to win with their singing. One of these sporty stardom seekers is Adrian Chandtchi of Apopka, Florida. At 6'8", many people expect him to go into basketball, but he's more into swimming. His coach calls Adrian "The Big Kahuna." However, Adrian sees himself as "a beautiful man-flower." If he is a flower, Adrian's "Can't Help Falling in Love With You" proves that he's a rafflesia. You know, those giant flowers that smell like rotting flesh? I would like to see someone as big as I am get to the semi-finals, but Adrian won't be it. 1 2 Next-->View Printable version of this article
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